What are the Green and Red Flags in online (and offline) dating?
In the world of online dating, recognising positive signs (green flags) and being alert to warning signals (red flags) is crucial for a successful and safe experience.
I wonder if you have been in a situation thinking to yourself: “How did I not see that red flag back then?”
Way too often we are carried away by the scenarios which we created voluntarily in our minds which ultimately makes us feel blind and as a result, we ignore the red flags.
Why?
Because naturally, we do tend to trust and seek the goodness in other people…
So let's explore these indicators, with a few examples, to help you make informed decisions on your dating journey.
I want to start with green flags or positive signs.
But first, what are the green flags? What exactly am I referring to?
In the context of dating and relationships mentioning green flags, I refer to positive signs or indicators that suggest a healthy and promising connection. These signs are reassuring and demonstrate qualities or behaviours that contribute to the overall well-being and success of a relationship.
Just as a green traffic light signals permission to proceed, green flags encourage individuals to feel confident and comfortable moving forward in a relationship.
They often signify compatibility, respect, and positive communication, fostering a sense of trust and security between potential partners. Recognizing green flags is important for making informed and positive choices in the realm of dating, indicating that the relationship has the potential to be fulfilling and supportive.
Here is a list of green flags to look out for when you are dating:
1. Open communication
For example, your potential match freely shares information about their hobbies, interests, and experiences, fostering a sense of openness. They are there to take you on the journey into their worlds and they are willing to tell you more.
2. Respectful and reciprocate communication
For example: they engage in conversations that express genuine interest in you without making you feel uncomfortable, creating a positive and respectful atmosphere. So the same way as they open up about their lives, they are willing to listen and learn about you and your life.
3. Consistency
For example: your potential match consistently maintains communication and follows through on plans, demonstrating reliability and stability. They deliver what they promise and give you a sense of safety.
4. Shared interests
For example: you discover common hobbies or values, laying the groundwork for a strong connection built on shared experiences.
5. Transparency
For example: they openly discuss their intentions, relationship goals, and current situation, ensuring transparency in the budding relationship.
6. Willingness to meet
Example: Expressing a desire to transition from online conversations to in-person meetings demonstrates genuine interest in forging a real connection.
7. Positive social media presence
For example: a vibrant and authentic social media presence reflecting their interests and lifestyle, aligning with the positive image presented and what has been discovered about the person already.
8. Respecting boundaries
For example: your potential match acknowledges and respects your boundaries, creating a comfortable, safe and consensual space for interaction.
9. Shared future goals
For example: discovering similar long-term goals and values is a hint at compatibility and the potential for a meaningful connection.
10. Positive feedback from others
For example: mutual friends or connections speak positively about the person, providing additional reassurance about their character.
What could you add to this list? Comment below if you can think of any green flags you might come across...
So what are the red flags or in other words, warning signs?
And let's dive into the meaning of red flags in the dating scene first.
In the dating scene, "red flags" refer to warning signs or indicators that suggest potential issues, concerns, or problematic behaviour in a person or the early stages of a relationship.
These signs are like caution signals, prompting individuals to take notice and evaluate whether continuing the relationship is a wise decision.
Red flags can vary, but they often indicate behaviours or traits that may lead to challenges, conflicts, or even harm if not addressed.
Let's look into them:
1. Inconsistent information
For example, details about their life, job, or background appear inconsistent or fail to add up upon closer examination.
2. Pressure for quick intimacy
For example, an abrupt push for intimate conversations or meetings before you're comfortable raises concerns about their intentions.
3. Overly aggressive or negative communication
For example, aggressive or excessively negative language in their communication can be indicative of potential issues in their approach.
4. Refusal to share information
For example, if they are secretive or unwilling to share basic information about themselves, it raises concerns about transparency.
5. Unwillingness to meet in person
For example, a reluctance to transition from online to in-person interactions may suggest a lack of serious intentions or authenticity.
6. Too good to be true
For example, if the person appears too perfect or their story seems overly dramatic, it's wise to approach with caution and verify that information. Clarify and verify, that it is OK even to ask for some documents and if there is nothing to hide - they will just show what you desire to see. If they refuse to show it or become too self-defensive - there is something to hide and then the question is: why would you want to get involved?
7. Avoids video calls or in-person meetings
For example, a consistent reluctance to engage in video calls or meet face-to-face can be a warning sign of potential deceit. What are they worried about? Are they even real?
8. Inappropriate behavior
For example, any harassment, disrespectful comments, or inappropriate behaviour should be taken seriously and addressed promptly. If the same behaviour is OK for you - no problem at all. But if not - it is ok to walk away.
9. Excessive baggage
For example, sharing excessive personal problems or emotional baggage very early in the relationship might be a red flag for potential challenges and traumas that haven’t been resolved. As much as you might like them - there is a possibility you will end up being their therapist...is that what you are looking for?
10. Multiple cancellations
For example, frequent cancellations or last-minute changes to plans may indicate a lack of commitment or reliability, warranting careful consideration.
Are there any red flags that I have missed? Share them in the comments below.
My advice is:
Always trust your instincts and prioritize your safety and well-being.
If something feels off, take it seriously, and consider seeking advice or assistance. Your comfort and security are paramount in the world of online dating.
And remember, there are nearly 8 billion people in the world, surely someone somewhere is the person that will be worthy of your lifetime. Therefore don't jump into the first OK relationship. It's so easy to get into unhealthy relationships just because you are lonely and desperate.
Instead, raise your standards and stand strong in your grounds and The One will be there very shortly!
Reach out to me if you find yourself feeling stuck in your relationships, let's get some clarity for you and help you understand where are you standing. Book a call with me here and let's talk: https://calendly.com/olgageidane/quickchat