17 Signs Your Relationship Is Crying Out for Rescuing
Here's a secret: when couples reach out for help, it's often a bit late. There's usually a bunch of frustration and hurt to untangle, but the good news is, it's never too late to turn things around.
Just as failing to change oil damages a car engine, neglecting key aspects can strain the heart of a relationship. Regular check-ins and addressing issues are the love's equivalent of a well-oiled engine - essential for a smooth journey together.
But... in reality, people prioritise their cars over their relationships and therefore...often end up separating...whilst driving the same, looked-after car with a well-oiled engine!
This article intends to help you identify potential signs of your relationship wearing off, developing cracks and making "weird noises" in the engine!
It's important to note that every relationship is unique, and these signs may manifest differently in different situations. Additionally, these signs don't necessarily mean a relationship is beyond repair, but they can serve as indicators that intervention or support may be beneficial.
The signs don't necessarily mean a relationship is beyond repair, but they can serve as indicators that intervention or support may be beneficial.
For those who are curious about the scientific side of the relationship - I have added a neuroscience perspective that can provide insights into the underlying mechanisms that contribute to relationship challenges. Remember that while neuroscience can help us understand certain aspects of behaviour, it's just one lens through which we can view complex human relationships.
Your role is to identify and address them with your partner and seek professional help if needed.
My role as a relationships coach is crucial in helping couples navigate these challenges and work towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
So let's dive into 17 common signs that your relationship may be struggling:
1. Communication Breakdown: Constant misunderstandings, frequent arguments, or a lack of effective communication can indicate trouble.
Neuroscience Perspective: The brain's communication centres, such as the prefrontal cortex, play a crucial role in effective communication. Stress and emotional arousal can impact these areas, leading to misunderstandings.
Example: High stress levels can activate the amygdala, the brain's emotional centre, making it difficult for partners to process information rationally during an argument.
Try this: Practice mindful communication to navigate through challenges and enhance understanding. For example, express your feelings and thoughts using "I" statements to convey your perspective without placing blame: instead of saying, "You always do this," say, "I feel upset when this happens."
2. Lack of Intimacy: A significant decline in physical and emotional intimacy, such as reduced affection, sexual intimacy, and emotional connection between partners.
Neuroscience Perspective: Oxytocin, known as the "love hormone," is key to bonding and intimacy. Chronic stress can reduce oxytocin levels, affecting the desire for physical and emotional closeness.
Example: Increased stress from work or personal issues may lead to a decrease in physical affection and emotional connection.
Try this: Incorporate activities that boost oxytocin levels to enhance physical and emotional intimacy. For example, prioritize physical touch in your daily routine. Simple gestures like hugs, kisses, and handholding can contribute to increased oxytocin release.
3. Emotional Distance: Partners feel emotionally distant or disconnected, expressing a sense of loneliness even when together.
Neuroscience Perspective: Emotional connection relies on the brain's mirror neuron system, which enables us to understand and share the emotions of others. Chronic emotional distance may involve a lack of mirroring.
Example: If partners consistently respond to each other's emotions with indifference, the mirror neuron system may not be effectively engaged.
Try this: Actively engage the mirror neuron system to strengthen emotional connection. For example: actively mirror positive emotions by celebrating your partner's successes and expressing joy in shared accomplishments: I'm so proud of what you've achieved. Your success brings me happiness too.
4. Constant Criticism: A pattern of criticizing and blaming each other rather than offering constructive feedback.
Neuroscience Perspective: Criticism can trigger the brain's threat response, activating the amygdala. Persistent activation of the threat response can lead to chronic stress and defensive behaviours.
Example: Regularly pointing out flaws without offering constructive feedback can create a defensive atmosphere, hindering open communication in a relationship.
Try this: Shift from criticism to compassionate feedback to foster a more supportive and constructive communication style. For example: provide specific feedback when discussing concerns, making it easier for your partner to understand and address the issue: instead of general criticism, say, "During our last conversation, I felt hurt when..."
5. Trust Issues: Erosion of trust through lies, secrecy, or betrayal, making it difficult for the relationship to thrive.
Neuroscience Perspective: Trust involves the release of neurotransmitters like oxytocin and serotonin. Betrayal or dishonesty can disrupt these neurochemical processes.
Example: Discovering a partner's secret can lead to a decrease in trust, as the brain perceives a threat to the relationship.
Try this: Rebuild trust by prioritizing transparency, honesty, and nurturing the neurochemical processes that underpin a trusting relationship. For example: take responsibility for past actions that may have contributed to trust issues. Acknowledge mistakes and demonstrate a commitment to change: "I understand the impact of my actions, and I am actively working to rebuild trust through consistent honesty."
6. Different Goals: Significant disparities in long-term goals or priorities can strain a relationship.
Neuroscience Perspective: The brain's reward system is activated when goals align, fostering a sense of shared purpose. Misalignment may lead to a lack of reward and connection.
Example: If one partner values career success while the other prioritizes work-life balance, their goals may conflict, impacting the reward system.
Try this: Strengthen your relationship by finding common ground and fostering a shared sense of purpose. For example: work together to establish mutual goals that align with your shared values. This creates a sense of unity and collaboration. A great question to ask your partner: can we identify goals that are important to both of us, such as maintaining a healthy work-life balance while pursuing career success?"
7. Lack of Support: Feeling unsupported or not having your needs and aspirations acknowledged by your partner.
Neuroscience Perspective: Social support activates brain regions associated with reward and stress reduction. A lack of support may result in increased stress and a diminished sense of well-being.
Example: During a challenging time, feeling unsupported can lead to elevated stress levels, affecting overall relationship satisfaction.
Try this: Cultivate a supportive environment by acknowledging and meeting each other's needs. For example: clearly communicate your needs and aspirations to your partner. Open communication lays the foundation for mutual understanding: "I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. Can we talk about how we can support each other better?"
8. Escalating Resentment: Growing resentment and unresolved issues that escalate over time.
Neuroscience Perspective: Holding onto resentment can activate the brain's stress response and negatively impact mental well-being.
Example: Unresolved issues can lead to a cycle of resentment, with each instance reinforcing the stress response.
Try this: Address and resolve resentment by fostering open communication and finding compassionate resolutions. For example: seek to understand the underlying reasons for your partner's actions. Understanding each other's perspectives is crucial for resolving resentment: "Help me understand your viewpoint better so we can find common ground."
9. Stagnation: A sense of being stuck or stagnant, with little growth or positive change in the relationship.
Neuroscience Perspective: Novelty and growth stimulate the brain's reward system. Stagnation may result in reduced dopamine release, contributing to a sense of dissatisfaction.
Example: Routine and predictability without opportunities for novelty can lead to a decrease in the brain's reward response.
Try this: Infuse novelty and growth to rekindle the brain's reward response. For example: introduce spontaneity and surprises into your relationship. This can be as simple as planning an impromptu date night or surprising your partner with a thoughtful gesture. "I planned a surprise weekend getaway for us. Pack your bags!" - will certainly make your partner smile!
10. Avoidance of Conflict: Constantly avoiding discussions about important issues, leads to a buildup of unaddressed problems in your relationship.
Neuroscience Perspective: Avoiding conflict may be a coping mechanism to prevent the activation of the stress response.
Example: A person may avoid discussing important issues to maintain a sense of emotional safety, but this can lead to unresolved tension.
Try this: transform avoidance into constructive dialogue by fostering a safe and open environment for discussing important issues. For example: clearly define the objectives of the upcoming conversation. They help to keep the discussion focused and productive. Instead of the typical: "We need to talk!", say "Our goal in discussing this is to understand each other better and find a solution that works for both of us."
11. Financial Stress: Ongoing financial difficulties causing tension and disagreements between partners.
Neuroscience Perspective: Financial stress activates the brain's amygdala, triggering the release of stress hormones. Chronic stress can impair decision-making and increase emotional reactivity.
Example: Constant arguments about money can elevate stress levels, hindering the ability to make rational financial decisions and causing emotional strain.
Try this: Collaboratively manage finances to alleviate stress and build a more secure financial foundation in your relationship. Start with initiating open and honest communication about your financial situation. Discuss goals, challenges, and concerns to create a shared understanding. For example: "Let's sit down and talk about our current financial situation, our goals, and how we can work together to manage our finances more effectively."
12. Loss of Fun and Laughter: A lack of enjoyment and shared laughter, with the relationship feeling more like a duty than a source of joy.
Neuroscience Perspective: Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, promoting feelings of pleasure and bonding. A lack of laughter may indicate reduced activity in brain regions associated with joy and reward.
Example: If a couple used to enjoy shared activities and laughter, a decline in these experiences may signify a decrease in the brain's natural reward response.
Try this: Infuse laughter and playfulness back into your relationship for a renewed sense of joy and connection. For example: share humorous content, such as funny videos, memes, or jokes. Light-hearted moments can naturally lead to shared laughter. Would your partner say "no" to this: "I found this hilarious video. Let's watch it together and enjoy a good laugh."? Surely they will be curious!
13. Excessive Time Apart: Spending too much time apart, whether physically or emotionally, can strain a relationship.
Neuroscience Perspective: Spending time together activates the brain's reward system, releasing oxytocin and fostering emotional connection. Prolonged separation may lead to a decrease in these bonding neurochemicals.
Example: A couple's emotional connection may diminish if they spend extended periods apart, leading to feelings of emotional distance.
Try this: Prioritize quality time together to rekindle emotional bonding and strengthen the connection. Identify and engage in joint hobbies or activities that both partners enjoy. This shared experience fosters a sense of togetherness. For example: "I remember how much fun we had when we used to [specific activity]. Let's start doing it together again."
14. Lack of Appreciation: Feeling unappreciated or undervalued by your partner.
Neuroscience Perspective: Expressions of appreciation activate the brain's reward circuitry, reinforcing positive behaviours. A lack of appreciation may result in reduced activation of these reward pathways.
Example: If one partner's efforts go unnoticed or unacknowledged, the brain's reward system may not be sufficiently activated, leading to feelings of neglect.
Try this: Cultivate a culture of appreciation to strengthen connection. Reflect on positive changes and behaviours in your partner. Share observations about personal growth and positive transformations. For example: "I've noticed how you've grown in [specific aspect]. It's impressive, and I'm grateful to witness your journey."
15. Family and Friends Remarks: Concerns expressed by friends or family about the state of the relationship.
Neuroscience Perspective: Social connections impact mental well-being, and concerns from others may signal a disruption in the brain's social reward system.
Example: Friends and family may observe changes in mood or behaviour that indicate a shift in the couple's dynamics, prompting them to express concern.
Try this: Reflect on concerns expressed by friends or family. Identify any common patterns or themes mentioned by multiple sources. Consistent observations may highlight areas that need attention. Invite your partner to have a chat: "Are there recurring themes in the feedback? If so, let's explore how we can address these patterns together."
16. Unresolved Past Issues: Lingering unresolved issues that damaged trust or atmosphere in the past that continue to affect the present.
Neuroscience Perspective: Unresolved issues can create a chronic stress response, affecting emotional regulation and decision-making.
Example: If past conflicts remain unresolved, the brain may continue to perceive the unresolved issues as threats, leading to ongoing stress and emotional strain.
Try this: Actively address unresolved past issues to release the emotional burden and promote emotional well-being in the present. Collaboratively establish steps towards resolution. This may involve setting goals, creating action plans, or seeking external support if needed.
17. Indifference: A sense of indifference or apathy towards the partner or the relationship.
Neuroscience Perspective: Indifference may result from a decrease in the brain's emotional engagement and connection with the partner.
Example: If a partner becomes indifferent to the other's experiences or needs, it may indicate reduced activation in brain regions associated with empathy and emotional connection.
Try this: Actively work on rekindling emotional engagement to overcome indifference and strengthen the connection. Take time to explore each other's perspectives and feelings. Encourage open communication to gain insight into the factors contributing to the sense of indifference, for example: "I'd like to understand your perspective on our relationship. What are your thoughts and feelings about where we are right now?"
As a relationship coach, I appreciate and celebrate the uniqueness of every couple, approaching each coaching session with the awareness that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to fostering lasting and meaningful connections.
It's important to remember that no two relationships are identical, and as such, the signs indicating a need for attention or improvement can manifest in diverse ways. While certain general patterns may exist, the nuances of each partnership require a tailored approach. What might be a subtle indication in one relationship could be a more pronounced concern in another. This understanding underscores the need for personalized strategies and solutions, acknowledging the specific context of each relationship.
May your love story be a narrative of personal growth, shared joy, and heartfelt connection, surpassing the extraordinary success stories my previous couples have shared:
"It was a game-changer for our relationship. We were stuck in a cycle of unresolved issues, and the neuroscience insights provided a fresh perspective. With your personalized coaching, we rediscovered the joy of laughter, learned to appreciate each other in new ways, and ultimately reignited the spark that had dulled over time. Thank you for helping us rewrite our love story, and we couldn't be more grateful!"
Ready to rewrite your love story?
If you recognize more than two of these signs in your relationship, it's time to take action. Don't let frustration and distance linger. Reach out to me, and together, we can navigate these challenges and reignite the spark in your relationship: https://calendly.com/olgageidane/quickchat
Your unique love story deserves a fresh chapter filled with joy, understanding, and a deep connection. Don't hesitate—let's embark on this journey together.
