11 signs of your partner cheating on you
We all hope to get into a relationship and to be happy ever after, right?
Most people have the best intentions, and in fact, the majority would want to get old together... and then one day... you get this itchy feeling... something you can't explain and perhaps, you haven't confirmed it yet and you keep it quiet... as you don't want anyone to know about it. Otherwise - what would they think of YOU, right? "What did I do wrong???" - you might ask yourself this question again and again...
Very often my clients come to me being devastated, feeling very low in their confidence and self-esteem, thinking that they will never be in a happy relationship ever again, because there is "clearly something wrong with them".
And let me reassure you - your partner's infidelity (but let's confirm if it even happened!) - is NOT A SIGN OF A PROBLEM WITH YOU!
Your partner's infidelity - is NOT A SIGN OF A PROBLEM WITH YOU!
Your partner is acting in their strange survival behaviour way because of unresolved traumas and internal issues - which they are highly unaware of.
I worked with a lot of cheaters, too and all of them at once would say the same thing all over again: they never wanted to hurt the other half intentionally, they just couldn't explain why they did it and so on and on. And even in those cases when they would start with "there was not enough intimacy" - when we would break it down, it would go all down to that being an excuse, not a reason!
However, let's not dive too deep into reasons or excuses. Instead, let's go to the signs of infidelity. Remember, they can vary, but some common indicators may include:
1. Emotional Distance: They become emotionally distant, disconnected, or less engaged in the relationship. They don't listen carefully and often daydream. Deep conversations are not happening anymore (or are less frequent) - because they have them with someone else now.
2. Secretive Behavior: They become secretive about their phone, messages, or social media, guarding their privacy more than usual. There is always a reason why things "must be private". Watch out for phones facing down and/or suddenly having it on silence whilst before it was always or regularly sound on. See if they reject some calls without answering them quite often and even if there is a "safe person calling on the screen" - often they deliberately save lovers' names under very safe titles.
3. Change in Intimacy: A sudden decrease in physical intimacy or, conversely, an increase in trying new things in the bedroom without prior discussion can be a sign. It could be anything, from changing the kissing way to different types of sex and fantasies.
4. Altered Schedule: Changes in their usual routine, frequent work-related excuses, unexplained absences and anger as well as aggressivity around this topic when you ask. Potential verbal attacks by calling you being controlling.
5. Defensiveness: Becoming overly defensive or even accusatory when questioned about their activities. Again, you might be blamed for being controlling and don't be surprised if you will hear "you changed"!
6. Lack of Communication: Decreased communication or interest in your day-to-day life, or avoidance of meaningful conversations. Because now there is someone else literally in their mind and their lives, so why stay connected at home? Observe them if they daydream often, if they have a semi-smile on their face whilst thinking about something...
7. Gut Feeling: Sometimes, your intuition can be a powerful indicator. If something doesn't feel right, it's worth exploring. For me, this one was the strongest - plus I literally had dreams about my husband cheating on me. Just remember trust to trust your intuition and address the issue early, otherwise, you will blame yourself later for self-betrayal and not following your gut feeling...
8. Change in Appearance: A sudden change in appearance, dress, or grooming habits, especially if it's out of character. It could involve new hobbies helping to improve the physical appearance.
9. New Friends: Developing close friendships with new people, especially of the opposite gender. Perhaps, they appeared from the new running club your partner joined or dancing classes? Have you tried to go with them there? If you suggest this and they do everything for you not to come - there might be a reason why... And how about meeting this new friend? Often there will be a reason why now is not a good time...
10. Unexplained Expenses or trips: Discovering unaccounted-for expenses or credit card charges that don't align with your knowledge as well as sudden trips where you are not invited because "it's a work thing". And if you ask - there is always something very brief and not very significative answer given - unless they have prepared for it and then there will be way too many details - usually one of the signs of lies.
11. A sudden wave of gifts and presents or other attention: think of a naughty child who knows they did something wrong - suddenly you see them being overly good. The same principle applies here. The guilty partner will try to "buy themselves out" with gifts without occasion and other ways to show "how good they are". In our case, that was a big sign of my husband's infidelity - which I ignored (as normally we would) but it all made sense once everything came out.
It's important to note that these signs are not definitive proof of infidelity. These are just SIGNS and you have to see if there is only one or a combination of a few red flags that show up on a regular basis.
Remember, there could be other explanations for these behaviours.
However, spotting the signs early will save you from regretting ignoring the red flags in the future.
Maintaining transparent and candid communication with your partner is essential when you notice shifts in your relationship dynamics.
It's worth noting that, in nearly all instances, directly confronting your partner rarely results in a confession. People often conceal their actions for various reasons, making open dialogue all the more critical.
If you have concerns, it may be helpful to seek professional advice to address them with your partner in a healthy and productive way.
If you have been cheated on, remember, you are not alone and it is NOT about you, but about them!
HELP IS AVAILABLE:
To help you heal and overcome being cheated on, book a call with me to find out more about my mentorship course on overcoming infidelity trauma 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗣𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗣𝘂𝗿𝗽𝗼𝘀𝗲 https://calendly.com/olgageidane/quickchat (Or if you know someone that has experienced cheating, connect them with me for additional support).
Join my private Facebook group 𝘽𝙚𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙙 𝘽𝙚𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙮𝙖𝙡: 𝙀𝙢𝙥𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙄𝙣𝙛𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙮 (for women only) for support, empowerment and insights:
In this group, I do regular Q&A sessions on cheating and infidelity.
Most importantly, remember that there is a life outside of your relationship and you are NOT defined by your relationship. Your IDENTITY DOES NOT equal your relationship status.
What signs would you add to the list? What were the signs you spotted in your partner if you were cheated on?